Blog Neglect

Yes, I know--the BCFS should be on my case now for blog-abuse, but dammit, things are not going as I planned.



That's not entirely fair, I guess. I'm IN the house, about 65% unpacked; the other 35% is things I have nowhere for. I have--no exaggeration--a foot-and-a-half square of counterspace. Cabinets, not much better. I've commandeered half my bookcases to use for dish storage; and though I'd gladly get to work on shelving and cabinets and what-not, unfortunately the once-a-month pay-scale here has not been conducive to action. I get paid tomorrow morning.



What's not going well, though, is the thing with LJ. I've got to sit down with him and have a long talk about exactly what he expects; if I go by only what I see, he expects a housekeeper, a cook, and a porn star all rolled into one, and if I'm not fulfilling one of those three functions, I'm expected to stay the hell out of his way. I don't know if this is a fair perception, though--I'm willing to grant the possibility that he's just not used to being with someone, and that he's forgotten the little niceties and details like company, conversation, etc. I don't think he's intentionally being an asshole, but the net effect is unfortunately the same. And he really needs to start cleaning up behind himself--I don't think he's washed a dish since we moved in, and believe me when I say, a good half of the dishes are generated by his lunches!



And of course, the other possibility here is that I really AM being unfair--because this is The Bad Week. It was eight years ago tonight that I lost JP, and all week I've been really conscious of those memories. I seem to hear Nirvana on the radio a lot more, too--almost as if he's saying hello from the other side, or something. And I know that remembering that perceived perfection of the life JP and I had is NOT going to make it any easier to be fair to real, live, active, imperfect LJ....which is another reason I've tried to keep it to myself this week. I mean, christ, I know -I- need downtime at the end of the day--so what's to say this isn't LJ's "downtime"? I really gotta leave this poor guy alone, I think sometimes...but then other times, I feel like the only time I really see him and get to interact with him is when we're in bed. (Not that I mind--I still have NO complaints about THAT part of our relationship!)