The closing is tomorrow--which accounts for the recent silence of my blog, and even of my normal e-mail correspondences. As of tomorrow afternoon, I will be the owner of my own home; along with the amazed feeling of total wonderment and accomplishment, I have to add the following just on G.P: I cannot...fucking...WAIT to move out of here.
Owning a house, or even being someone with the _capability_ to own a house, seems to change how you're perceived among friends. At least, that's how it's happened in my case...Today at work I got a call from Kya, telling me that Tim was having problems (big fucking newsflash, that!) and was going to give up his apartment (An aside--when I talk to either one of them, I'm going to do what I can to ascertain whether my suspicion is correct--Kya said something about his rent being $900, which is a lie of the purest order of bullshit. That mousehole Tim lives in is NOT a $900 apartment--MY old crib, with the same landlord, was $610 and it was at least three times as big. So either Mr. Wolf is absolutely out of his crotchety old landlord mind, or Tim is lying to Kya about what he's paying in rent so he can have the difference for booze. Either way, it is SOOOOOO freakin wrong as to defy explanation.)
So anyway, Tim is giving up that squalid little nest of his, and because I have a house (or soon will) he's going to ask me if I'll take his cats. And the answer is NO--I do NOT want his three bad-ass little furballs, and I refuse to be a five-cat house. I'm sure this won't go over well, when I tell him-- ("Act like you don't know anything, when he calls," said Kya--apparently she wasn't supposed to tell me)--especially since he thinks he and Kya and the baby should have dibs on roommate space. I'm sure he'll be none too thrilled to find LJ there.
Speaking of which...oh, god. Any doubts I've had about LJ, small though they were, have now absolutely vanished. I saw him Saturday, and he was...god, just amazing. That marks absolutely the first time in my life that a man has said to me "What's mine is ours" under such circumstances that I could actually afford to BELIEVE him. (CR said it, of course, but since he had nothing and was willing to do nothing, except take what had started out as MINE and give it to other women, obviously his was not a credible declaration. And Dave said it too, I'm sure, but he also referred to me behind my back as a "meal ticket". JP never said it--he just lived it.) I really think he intends to contribute; time will tell, of course, but I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.
Back to Tim and Kya, though--Tim is talking about going out of state, alone, leaving Kya and the baby behind. I feel so bad for her, and I really want to kick his ass for him; he had all the time in the world to "explore his opportunities" BEFORE he decided to impregnate someone. That baby is now the scope of his "opportunities"--not some out-of-state thing. I mean, this is like something CR would pull... I can't stop him, of course, but I don't have to babysit his evil stank-ass cats for him, either.
I can't believe that in less than 24 hours, I am going to have a house. I can't believe how much my life has improved--and how much of it has happened despite my refusal to give up what I believe. I've had to compromise on some things, of course, but I've done it without pressure. I quit heroin not because I was told to, but because I chose to; I have managed to get this far even though I've chosen men who others have thought were unsuitable (and in some cases, they were right!). I've been able to work at a job I enjoy, and even though there are things about it I can't stand sometimes, I wouldn't trade it for anything more "prestigious" or higher-paying. I haven't had to do anything that I don't believe in, yet I still have managed to accomplish one of my biggest goals; and I've done it in an entirely uncompromising way, even when other people have objected.
I am soooo excited--I feel like a little kid. I don't know WHAT is going to be the best part--holding those keys for the first time, moving in, or showing it to LJ for the first time...or decorating it, or living in it...EVERYTHING. That's what I'm excited about--everything.
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