The New Year's Eve Post

New Year's Eve...is generally not my favorite holiday.

However, I think I managed to find a way around the sadness that was threatening: I made a long list of things I wanted to accomplish today, mostly in the realm of housecleaning and "starting the new year off right" types of stuff.

I washed dishes, cleaned the bathroom, changed sheets, did laundry (even all the stray laundry I'd stowed in the closet til "later"--dust ruffles, cleaning rags, the sheet I took down from my bedroom window last thing before leaving the house). I swept and mopped floors, cleaned the catbox, dragged all the flattened-out packing boxes down to the dumpster. I rearranged the hall closet, straightened out a couple of drawers, vacuumed the whole place. While all this was happening, I put a pot roast in the oven, and so I had a nice New Year's Eve dinner for one; then, once those dishes were cleaned up, I sat down to think about what I wanted this next year to be.

I am going to treat myself better this year. I am going to find things to do that will help me pull my head out of my navel; I am going to stop putting everybody else's wishes in front of mine. I am going to take care of myself, by MY standards--more of what I need to do, less of what everyone else says I ought to do.

I am going to create more. I am going to paint more, draw more, write more, sew more, crochet more, scribble more. Sometimes, I am even going to let the so-called "important" things wait, while I do the things that are important to me.

I am going to be kinder to myself. I am going to be a little bit stricter with myself, in some ways, but it will be for my own good--my REAL own good, instead of all those things that are SUPPOSED to be "for my own good". I am going to start treating myself as well as I treat the other people around me.

I am going to stop complaining. It's a horrible habit; I try to make it funny, when I do it, but complaining is complaining and all it does is make me see the bad in a situation. If I can't do anything about a situation, I'm going to be quiet; if I CAN do something about it, I'm going to actually DO it.

I am going to stop...I am going to TRY to stop assuming that everyone around me sees me as this pathetic, pitiable loser. This one's going to be hard. I bring a lot of it on myself, talking about things that are going on in my life, but obviously that's not having the effect I'd like it to have; ideally, I'd like for people around me to see me as strong, a survivor, somebody who's made some dumb choices, granted, but who has overcome and learned from them. I very, very much don't get the impression that that's how I'm seen. I don't know if that's an error of perception, or if people actually DO see me as a walking one-woman version of the Chicago Cubs. I'm a lot of things, but I'm really not pitiable.

I am going to stop being so scared of everything. I am going to finally let go of my sense of panic--another task which I suspect will be much, much harder than it sounds.

I am going to learn to enjoy my life.

I'm going to learn HTML, so I can pretty up this blog for realz. Templates are lame. :)

Happy New Year to all of you; and thank you all for being here with me through this year. It's been a wild ride, to say the least, and I appreciate everyone's support through the highs and lows. Here's to a wonderful 2008!!!