I just got a call from Tim's number; Squeaky, though, was the one who made the call. "Gladys?" she said, her voice shaking a little. "Cassidy just died, just now. And Tim's freaking out. Do you wanna talk to him?" she asked.
"If he wants to talk," I said, and she handed him the phone.
I don't know what he said, actually; he was crying so hard I couldn't make out a word. I did manage to hear him say "I gotta go now", and then he hung up.
And so I cried for a while too, and hugged all my cats, and cried some more, and fed them, and cried some more. And then just as I was getting calmed down Squeaky called to ask me if I could go with Tim tomorrow to have the cat cremated, and she told me some details I really, REALLY REALLY could have lived without, and now I'm crying again.
You know, how sometimes, when an animal lives to an old age, you can always comfort yourself by saying "Well, he had a good long life..." Cassidy, though--Cassidy didn't have a good long life. He had a crappy long life, moved around and uncertain and sometimes just terrible, and from what Squeaky said he had a crappy, painful death as well, and I want to say it's not Tim's fault but it sorta is, and it makes me angry, but mostly it just makes me incredibly sad.
I'm not going with Tim tomorrow. I'm turning off my phones tonight; I don't want to know, or hear, anymore than I already have. Mostly I just want to be here in my place, with my cats, who I love as best I know how. I wish I could have done more, though; I always wish I could do more.
Rest in peace, Cassidy--finally, in peace.
sympathies to you and rest in peace to Cassidy.
ReplyDeleteohhh, I am SO SORRY to hear about this. Rest in peace, sweet Cassidy. I have read your different theories about what life after death might be like, and if I understood them correctly, all three offer the knowledge that at least there is no more pain for the poor guy.
ReplyDeleteWhen it comes to cats, I am fierce about wanting to protect them all and take them all in and give them good lives. I don't even wanna KNOW what I'd be like if I had infinite resources! Like you, I just try to heap love and care and toys and attention upon my pet, in hopes that somehow I'm putting positivity out into the whole cat universe. Or something. Maybe just to do my part. Sigh. Hope your week looks up.