Yeah, Well, This One Ain't Much Better.

I would like to sell my brain.

Actually I'd be willing to barter; my screwed-up brain for a more reliable, less fucked-up model. Preferably something without total recall; or at least, with controllable total recall. I would like to be able to cut it off when it starts heading in certain unprofitable directions.


I wonder sometimes if I'm going to spend the rest of my life wishing for a few months in my mid-20's. The longer it goes, the more I'm pretty sure that's how it's gonna be. Even when everything seeems to be going right, I never feel happy like I used to. And I really, really hope this isn't what the next 20 or 30 or 50 years is going to be--although maybe it's a good thing I DON'T know, because I'm pretty sure I wouldn't like the answer.

Then I think, well, it could be worse--I could be Tim, who got locked up again for his ...fourth? fifth? DUI...and wrecked his friend's car (god, I am SO glad I don't have a car)...

I don't know which is worse. Being totally irresponsible with no regard for other people's property or your own well-being; or living a life that feels like it's already over, with just the work left to do. I don't know, but I wouldn't wish this on anyone.