Friends, I am in serious trouble here.
I am about one nanosecond from a full-fledged attack of the Screaming Meemees.
You see, I have An Itch.
A couple of days ago...okay, closer now to a week, really...I noticed that my ankles and my lower calves were itchy. You know how, if you tie your shoes too tight and the socks kinda squish into your skin and when you take the shoes and socks off at the end of the day, the top of your foot itches like crazy for like, a minute?
Like that. Except to about midway up my calf, and not going away.
So I tried some lotion. Didn't help. Tried some other lotion. Didn't help. Tried not to scratch and fail, fail, FAAAAIIILLLED. In not-too-long a time, it looked like I was wearing reddish-purple mid-calf socks.
Then the itch started creeping northward.
I bought some hypoallergenic Eucerin lotion. I bought some hydrocortisone cream. I bought some Bactine, because by now I'd scratched a few spots so badly that Bactine seemed like a good idea. Ditto Neosporin. Nothing helped. Now the reddish-purple socks were at the knees, and my legs and ankles were swollen from the scratching.
That went on for a couple of days. Last night I noticed that the backs of my knees were itchy now. I took some Advil and some Benadryl, one or the other of which seemed to help. Today at work, though, EVERYTHING started itching. Legs, torso, arms, pits, back, EVERYTHING, the works. The parts not in the reddish-purple-knee-socks area look...distinctly...BITE-like.
I don't think I have bedbugs--where would I have got them? I haven't slept anywhere except my own bed for practically forever.
I don't think it's spiders....oh, fuck, I HOPE it isn't spiders! or ants, or mites, or....You know, I don't like this train of thought.
Fleas, maybe? except the kitterz aren't scratching, only me.
I haven't changed my soap or my detergent or my lotion or my shampoo or my ANYTHING. (Though I did buy some Ivory soap today, in case it's the Irish Spring that's doing it--but I've been using V05 shampoo for a hundred years and have never had any problems.) Seriously--there is NO REASON this should be happening right now.
And then I went to WebMD, and let me tell you: if you're ever faced with a seemingly-minor issue? DON'T go to WebMD. They will scare the undawares RIGHT OFF you. According to them, I could have diabetes, hypertension, any number of nasty subcutaneous critters, MRSA, impending death, and/or hysterical pregnancy. (Okay, those last two I made up, but aren't the rest of them just SPECIAL?) So basically I have Unexplained Total Body Itching Leading To Insanity. That's the diagnosis, I think.
I made a doctor's appointment, but she can't take me til Friday. I should live so long.
If anyone needs me, I will be sitting on my hands and trying valiantly not to scratch. (And failing. Failing MISERABLY, in fact. AAAAAAAUUUUUGGGHHHHH :::scritchscritchscritchscritchscritchscritchscritchscritchscritchscritchscritch
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AAhhhhhh. That's better.
No....wait.....scritchscritchscritchscritchscritchscritchscritchscritchscritch.....)
Take a bath in oatmeal or milk. Just pour some into the water. The oatmeal is better if it's ground up. Keep taking the Benadryl. Did you eat something different?
ReplyDeleteStop going to WebMD or any other medical website. Maybe it's the weather. And because you've scratched so much, you've developed more of that itch because of it.
Try Aveeno moisturizer. And wash all your bedding, just in case.
Yeah, benadryl is good...and if you start seeing hive-like bumps, get the to the ER.
ReplyDeleteHave you been to the thrift store lately? Some thrifts don't wash their donated clothes (which is how some bedbugs can be spread). There is the possibility of other critters, but have you doctor diagnose. As for fleas, if you are itching that much you would probably have encountered one of the live ones by now, as well.
Try not to scratch too much because that could just make things worse.
That's not good... my girlfriend had exactly the same symptoms you're having and had to get antibiotics for it. I hope you get to the doctor soon!
ReplyDelete