Hindsight, 20-20 Vision, and Other Irritants

Sitting here at my neatly-organized computer desk in my nice clean living room, it occurs to me:

If I'd spent the 54 days of my unemployment writing my book instead of sleeping late, eating Little Debbie Swiss Rolls, watching cartoons, playing computer games, and cleaning house, I could conceivably have finished my project--thereby accomplishing something that would guarantee I could spend the rest of my life doing all of the above, instead of working another nine-to-five with limited room for advancement.

This is why I don't like it when things occur to me. They're always things I SHOULD have done. This has never happened: "Hey, it occurs to me that sleeping til noon every day was the PERFECT plan!" That never happens. (The perfect-plan part never happens. The sleeping-til-noon part?? Oh yeah. My circadian rhythms are all to crap from this unemployment thing, and I've got all sorts of bad habits to break when I DO get hired somewhere. But I'm a night-owl by nature, and it's been fun to indulge that side of myself.)

It's pretty much a given, now, that I won't be working til after the first of the year. I know for a fact that I've never been out of work this long before; I'm fairly sure, as well, that I've never been on so many fruitless interviews before. I'm wondering if maybe that's got something to do with my diminished self-esteem--if maybe I'm not as able to sell myself as I used to be. It wouldn't surprise me at all. (Debbi did a Tarot reading for me over the phone a few days ago, and she agreed too; she also said that within "four days to four weeks" I should receive an offer. I love Debbi to pieces, and I'd never dismiss the possibility that there are forces at work in the universe of which I know nothing--but that seems like an awfully wide span of time to count as an actual "prediction". But this is Debbi, my oldest friend, and I'd never say such a thing to her! Besides, I'd rather have her be right in this case.) I need to re-learn the fine art of corporate schmoozing; I used to be very good at giving potential employers and other authority figures the "right" answer--the one they wanted to hear. But lately I'm more inclined to be honest; when they ask me if I know how to do such-and-such, I'm much more likely to say "I haven't had any experience with ____ yet" than "I haven't done _____ exactly, but here are some things I've done that are similar..." I -know- how to interview, but lately I've been less-willing to do the necessary dance-steps. I'm hoping to find an employer who recognizes and respects that brand of straightforwardness, but I'm not holding my breath!

Even though I was hoping to have everything settled by Christmas, I have to admit: since it's not settled, I'm glad to have a few days off from the effort. Job-hunting takes a lot out of me. So til the first of the year, I'm just going to pull up my computer chair, my remote control, and my bowl of oatmeal, and relax for a while. I don't know how, exactly, but everything will be fine.