My Last Day Off

I just peeked at the clock and realized that it's now officially Friday, April 6, 2007, which makes it my last day of unemployment. (Weekends don't count.) I start the new job Monday (eek!!) and it'll be a long time before I get even a couple of days off, let alone an extended block of time; and so I'm embarking on the last free business day I'm going to have for quite some time.

I can't believe I was out of work for five and a half months. Looking back now, of course, I see a million things I wish I had done with this time--work on the house, for example. There are rooms that could have been painted, repairs I could have made, even simple things like installing shelves or building a bookcase. I comfort myself by remembering that there was a big cloud hovering over most of that so-called "free" time--the question of whether or not I was even going to be able to keep my house. That's still a question, actually, but I'm confident that I'll be able to work with the mortgage company. Now I can start planning to do all the things I put off--seeding the grass, hanging blinds, buying shelves for the basement--without thinking What's the point? it'll be gone in a few months anyway.

Looking back, I realize how truly lucky I've been. It's been bad, sure, but it hasn't been a period of total destitution and deprivation. Except for the mortgage, I've had money to pay most of the bills; we've had enough money to buy groceries and even afford a pizza every few weeks. Granted, bringing Tim into the picture turned out not to be the financial benefit I thought it would be during this time, but I don't regret it in the least; he's been incredible moral support, just by being his goofy self. He's great company, a lot of fun, and he never lets me get too complacent or too satisfied with myself. (*note ) And say what you will about LJ, at least he's come through with the car payment since he's returned. So unemployment was bad, yeah--but it could have been a WHOLE lot worse.

I'm very glad Tim is here; I'm even more glad that he finally has the promise of steady work. He went to training today for an event-staffing company, where the manager recognized the amount of serving experience Tim has and promised he'd be getting a lot of jobs. That's a huge load off his mind, and off mine as well.

So things are looking up, financially. And in all the other areas of my life, despite the recent stress of unemployment and the current fear of the unknown, I can't say things were ever really looking down--not lately. I still miss JP, of course--this time of year more than most, filled with memories as it is--and I still have a lot of things I want to work on about myself, my relationships, and my life. But for every bad thing I can find about my life right now, I can find many more good ones. Tonight, watching Tim teasing the cats with the laser-pointer, I looked around me--my friends, who forgive me for all my shortcomings; my house, which I'm not going to be kicked out of; my cats, who I love beyond all reason; and the Big Unemployment Cloud, becoming wispy and forgettable in the distance--and I thought to myself, Right now, right this minute, I'm completely contented. And that's a damn fine feeling, all things considered.

Unlike the last time I was about to start a new job, I'm actually excited about this one!! I'll let you know how it goes...and in the meantime, to those of you who celebrate it, have a happy Easter. (Despite my agnostic/pagan leanings, I can't turn down a good meal, and so I'll be eating roast beef, Yorkshire pudding, and cheesecake over at Mom's--which almost makes up for there being no NASCAR race scheduled this Sunday, on account of the holiday.)

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*note: Tim and I had a long talk last night, in which he told me that while he was homeless, he'd felt like all his friends had abandoned him, including me. I felt really bad, hearing that; I had thought I was being such a good person, putting aside my irritation with him and trying to be there when he needed me...but evidently I didn't do such a good job at putting aside my irritation, because he said he could tell it was there. We talked it out, though, and in the end we decided that any misunderstandings and/or miscommunications between us, now and forever, would be laid at the doorstep of CR, who screwed up a perfectly good living situation several years ago and really hurt my opinion of Tim, and Tim's opinion of me.