Cross...Everything!

Ladies and gentlemen--barring the intervention of a vengeful deity who would CLEARLY have to hate me--I am losing my roommates.

That’s a fairly-optimistic assessment of the situation, since they’ll still be around—but according to the arrangements discussed over the past few days, they will no longer be LIVING with me. Per those discussions, here’s how it’s gonna go:

1. Tim is going to talk to Betty about that condo. I’m pretty much over that idea—for one, I’m fairly sure it will be expensive as hell; and for another, I really don’t have time left to wait on Betty’s schedule.

2. If the condo thing fails, we’re going to see if Betty wants to get a different place with me. Again, not my absolutely favorite idea, but if it will cut costs, I’ll deal with it. She shouldn’t be difficult to live with…though I hope to hell that’s not Famous Last Words.

3. If Betty doesn’t want to get a place, then I’ll get a studio or one-bedroom on my own. This is my favorite option.

4. And no matter what—Tim and Squeaky are getting THEIR OWN PLACE.
:::dance of unrestrained joy!!!:::

I’m sure they’ll still be a part of my life—Tim said as much, though I think he meant it in a good way, as in “we’re not abandoning you”—and he also made it very clear that this whole Squeaky interlude, while it has taken all our collective time and energy, does not mean that he’s abandoned all the plans we made before she showed up. (“Plans?” you ask. See, Tim and I had a long talk several months ago, probably a month or two after he moved in. We’ve pretty much accepted that we’re one of the world’s great celibate old married couple, and we’ve decided to just be happy with that, and work together on our assorted goals, and eventually be like, eighty years old, living in a little house in Wisconsin, still bickering about whether you should use a nonstick or a regular pan to make grilled cheese. I know I get frustrated with Tim, and a lot of people in my life question why I keep him around—well, in a nutshell, it’s because he’s good company. He has his quirks, but so do I, and our quirks seem to fit together well. As he said last night, up til the drama started, this was basically the best summer either of us had had in a long time.)

So Tim and I are still good friends...which doesn't mean I don't want to strangle him, at least three times a day. I can't believe the way he's doing things, and how much of it sounds like he's using ME as an excuse for all the stuff that he's not doing. He couldn't go out looking for work Saturday...because I had my bus pass and he can't find his. He hasn't been working hard on getting a job...because he knows how much help I'M going to need with getting things together for the move, and he's not comfortable taking a job under those circumstances. Jigga-WHAT? If he and Squeaky don't both have jobs within the next couple weeks or so, there's no way they're going to be able to get a place! Squeaky, at least, has a couple of good possibilities--Tim's got basically nuthin'. And basically, all they've both been doing for the better part of a week now has been sleeping all day and puttering around watching movies all night. I'm in NO way implying that I'm in any way superior--when I didn't have a job, that's largely what I did too--but the difference was, in my field, I could at least put in applications online during those middle-of-the-night rambles. Restaurant staff don't have that luxury--they need to pound the pavement. And for the most part, these two aren't doing that. They've even gone looking at apartments--again, jigga-WHAAAAT? And you were going to get these apartments with WHAT, exactly? Champagne wishes and caviar dreams?

Then there's the whole Betty debacle. (Keep in mind the following: Tim is not affected by the Betty situation--he already knows that if I DO live with Betty, there's ZERO chance she'll put up with Squeaky even temporarily; and if I DON'T live with Betty, I'll probably get a studio and there's ZERO chance of him and Squeaky staying with me, even temporarily. So it's not like putting it off benefits him in any way, nor does it hurt him. Also, Tim is the main one advocating this living-with-Betty idea; I've been willing to say "forget it" for WEEKS, and go find something for myself, but Tim keeps telling me to keep an open mind about it, because he knows she's having a hard time right now too--and I have, as a favor to him.) Tim is basically my main contact with Betty. We have each other's phone numbers, but for most of last week, Tim's and my cell phones were turned off for late payment. So all last week, I was asking Tim to go up to the bar where Betty works and find out what the situation was. Monday they didn't go anywhere because his shoulder hurt and his sleep schedule was messed up. Tuesday they didn't go because he and Squeaky were putting out applications, and they were too far from the bar, and anyway he couldn't just walk into the bar with no money. Wednesday, I left him $20 so he couldn't use THAT one anymore--and when I got home, the $20 was gone, but he hadn't gone to see Betty because they were dealing with Squeaky trying to get a job, and getting some clothes to wear if she gets one, and blah blah blah. And Betty only works thru Wednesday, apparently, so there would be no point of going on Thursday or Friday--and Thursday morning there was a note on the fridge, asking if I could leave him $8 for cigarettes.

Now, all this mess doesn't screw me up at all--aside from the $28, it doesn't cost me a damn thing--but it slows down my progress, makes it harder for me to plan, and annoys the holy crap out of me. I told Tim that if I don't have a concrete answer from Betty as far as housing plans by the end of this week, I'm considering the matter closed. I also texted Betty, telling her to call me as soon as she can so we can get things settled. That's all I can do--and to be honest, I'm really hoping I DON'T hear anything. I would honestly rather live by myself; I'm only going along with this because Betty seems like a decent person and Tim has asked me to consider it as an option. But we got a letter from the lawyers last week, and if that letter is to be believed, time is running VERY short. I can't control what Tim and Squeaky's situation will be when time runs out; I can only control MY situation, so that's what I'm going to do. But as I do so, I'm going to make it VERY VERY clear to Tim: I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself, and I will not accept it if he, finding himself and his passenger in an uncomfortable situation in the future, attempts to put any sort of responsibility for that situation on ME. He has lived here for eleven months, and I have given him ample opportunity to improve his situation during that time; he chose not to take that opportunity, and that was HIS choice, not mine. If he and Squeaky find themselves homeless because they don't have jobs, or haven't had them long enough to save for an apartment, that's entirely not my fault, and entirely not my responsibility to rescue them again.

(Firefly thinks it's going to go differently; she thinks I'm gonna end up with these two on my hands just the same as they are now. As I told her, I plan to get an apartment small enough to make that an impossibility; I'll gladly give up some space in exchange for peace, quiet, and an end to the eternal, hell-begotten SINGING.)

I love Tim to pieces, and in past times I've seen him act like a responsible, mature adult; I know it can happen because I've WITNESSED it. When he's on his own and not involved with anyone, he can work hard, save money, and pay his bills on time. That's why I took him in this last time, because I knew he COULD do it. And when Squeaky came into the picture, he'd just started at a job; he hadn't made much, but he was WORKING. Then comes the Squeakster, and poof-- Responsible Tim is replaced by this other guy, who's making no money, no progress, nothing but excuses. And this is the worst possible time for THAT Tim to show up.

I hope he makes it all work out for himself, but I have my own problems right now. I'll help him where I can, but I also have to take care of myself.