Okay, so after last week's doc appointment, it was decided that yeah, might be a good time to go back on the anti-d's. Unfortunately, Dr J can't prescribe, and so my primary doc--my gyno--will have to take care of that. I called her office Monday, and was told "wellll...she actually has to see you first." Pleh--she's in Evanston. But...okay, fine; it's actually been not quite two years since I've had my girlybits examined...(in ANY context, but that's a sob-story for another day)...and so I made the appointment for the first available date, which is early March. I wasn't thrilled, but I figured I could hang on til then.
Well, last night I made a fairly serious error, it seems.
Back in about 2004, I fell in love with the movie "Camp". There were a lot of reasons for this; mostly I was vulnerable to one of those let's-put-on-a-show kinds of movies, and whatever, whatever, blah blah blah. I think I saw that movie on cable about twenty times. My favoritemost section, hands down, was when Fritzi sabotages the blonde girl and usurps her role in the play, just in time for the big showstopping number, "Ladies Who Lunch". It's from the Stephen Sondheim play, "Company", about which I knew literally nothing at all. In fact, I didn't really know crap about Sondheim, other than that he was famous for musicals, etc. But I loved, loved, loved that performance in "Camp".
Anyway, the other night as I was flipping channels, I noticed that "Great Performances" was showing "Company" at some hideous hour of the night. Obviously, being a work day, I wasn't going to stay up til 4:30 AM, but I DVR'ed it. And last night--already, mind you, feeling low--I watched it.
So: "Company". It's about a guy turning 35 and all his married friends, and their relationships and HIS relationships and his friends' efforts to hook him up with various women, and the problems with his friends' marriages and all that stuff that would normally send me scrambling to change channels faster than the speed of light...
...which I totally, TOTALLY should have done. The last thing I needed last night was one of those deals where the characters spend half the time singing the praises of autonomy and independence and freedom, all with this "oh, but we're so wrong" subtext, ending with what's basically a celebration of marriage as the ultimate good, the greatest way to live. And the main character, throughout, is basically portrayed as this lonely guy, who looks at his friends' lives and wonders what's wrong with him; why is he still alone, why can't he get emotionally close to any of these three women he's dating, etc. And of course, the women all think it's great to be married and the guys all wish they were free, except they sort of don't, and...
It sucked. The point I am making: it sucked. Mostly it sucked because it made me cry, a LOT, and for an extended period of time, and in that unpleasant way that doesn't just finish up and you're done; the kind where you THINK you're done and you wash your face and blow your nose and then all of a sudden you're crying AGAIN and you're not even sure about what. And even my favorite song sucked, because contrary to how they portrayed it in "Camp", it's not so much a triumphant anthem as it is a pathetic confession, a realization by one of the characters of how lame and empty her life really is, how lonely she is despite her own good fortune and good man, and how she's just been projecting her self-contempt and her anger at her own emptiness onto other people's lives...
...Nah, doesn't sound like any bloggers I know, either.
So Mr. Sondheim and I have come to a permanent parting of the ways, and incidentally he can cram his NewYorkism sideways up his tookus as well; I will not be going out of my way to encounter his works in the future, though it does nothing to dim my love for "Camp". And frankly, for the first time in my life I am looking forward to a gynecologist appointment, because whenever those antidepressants take effect will be not a moment too soon.
Sondheim. Who needs it.
Damn! That sounds like a sucky production. I'll be sure to avoid it.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that you are feeling so alone these days. I'm guessing the depression isn't helping. But, um, you do know how to make friends....you've made a lot in the past, even if you have lost touch with them for various reasons.
Unfortunately for us introverts, the hardest part is sometimes getting our butts into situations that drain our energy, in order to meet people.
And, yeah, I know those crying jags only too well.