It's Oh So Quiet....

...It's also EXTREEEMELY hot and windy here, and if I suddenly disappear from the face of the earth within the next 24 hours, you may safely assume I've been blown away by the 50-mph(yeah, really!) winds that have taken over Chicago. Someone needs to let the weather know: it's not called "the Windy City" because of actual, meteorological WIND. (Well, okay, MAYBE it is. History is an inexact science, you know.)

But! It's so nice and LONELY here in Gladystopia today...I woke up late and came downstairs and the house was, except for cats and probably more millipedes than I care to contemplate, empty of all living creatures. Aside from the sound of cats going NOM NOM NOM over their midday meal, it's silent here.

See, after all that fuss related in the last post: Tim's got a girlfriend. He met her at work, they went for drinks afterward, and then the day before yesterday I came downstairs, Tim's door opened, and a half-clad female poked her nose out. She was WAY more shocked than I was.

She's a couple years older than me (Wow, it's sad when 40 is "a couple years older"...) and she seems really nice. I have a feeling, though, that Tim may be in over his head; despite all his proclamations of "I don't want an exclusive relationship," it seemed to me, just in spending a few hours with them, that she might very well have other ideas.

Am I jealous? Not even a little. I've spent the last few days thinking about relationships, and I've come to the conclusion that I am totally not ready for one, no matter how casual or non-exclusive or no-strings-attached or whatever you want to call it. My sense of trust has been so completely damaged--by CR, by LJ, by listening to what men think of women--that there's just no way I would feel comfortable letting anyone get that close--physically, emotionally, any way at all. I don't trust anyone with the "real" me. And yes, I know: I'm setting myself up for a long and lonely life if I'm not willing to take the risk of getting hurt anymore. True enough, but it's not an irrevocable decision. If someone came along who I could truly trust, I'd gladly--gladly!!--change my mind. But there's no one like that in my life right now--not even Tim, who I trust as much as I trust any of my female friends. I told him that yesterday; we'd given his new girlfriend a ride downtown, and then made a run out to Oak Park for pizza and beers, so we had a good hour to talk in the car on the way. He seemed to understand; I'm sure his mind is elsewhere, anyhow.

So Tim is out with his new girl, and I am left with the cats and the Catastrophe, which to me is a fairly-ideal way of spending an afternoon.

I had an interview yesterday which went fairly well--not so much for the position itself, which unfortunately needs a skill I am completely lacking (although they said I'm not out of the running, because my technical background is better than the other candidates)--but because the guys I interviewed with tipped me off that another position will be opening up soon, something much more attuned to my interests. As you might imagine, if I don't get this job I will avidly pursue this other lead! Slightly more frustrating, though: I haven't heard from last week's interview, which I'd thought went really well. I'm learning that my judgement on these things is less-than-adequate.

I feel good, though. The quiet agrees with me.