Excuse Me While I Become Insensitive

Okay, look. You all know me pretty well by now; I'm a marshmallow when it comes to other people's pain. And of course, anyone's death is a tragic thing; the death of a parent is possibly one of the most anguished moments in anyone's life; and I love me some Kanye.

BUT.

I have to say this.

From everything that's being reported right now, Donda West died from complications of plastic surgery; allegedly, a breast augmentation and a tummy tuck. (Updated, 11/13/07: The original report I saw said "augmentation", but that info came from the highly suspect TMZ.com. Since then I've heard it was a breast reduction, not an augmentation. I don't know why I have a slightly easier time accepting a reduction than I do an augmentation; still, they're both changes that aren't medically necessary, and certainly aren't worth dying for.)

If that turns out to be true, isn't it ironic? Kanye West, through his lyrics, supports the standard that requires women to have enormous breasts, flat stomachs, and round butts in order to be considered "attractive". Not just in HIS songs, but in songs he collaborates on with other artists, he pushes this whole "ideal" of female beauty which practically demands surgical intervention in order to reach it.

He's not a stupid or uncaring guy, I don't think. This is the same man who wasn't afraid to tweak George Bush's nose on live TV for his inaction during Hurricane Katrina; the same man who wasn't afraid to contradict nearly ALL of hip-hop by calling for an end to homophobia and gay-bashing in rap. Kanye West, whatever his quirks of personality, whatever his self-aggrandizements, is no sheep. Apparently, when he thinks, he thinks clearly and kindly, for the most part...

...unless the topic is women. He gives us no quarter. My ability to listen to some of his music without puking is preserved only by my understanding: people generally speak from their experience, and judging from some of the things he's said, I don't doubt he's been involved with some treacherous women. There are such things; I'm not blind enough to pretend there aren't. But that's not where I have the problem. The problem, for me, is the physical characteristics he demands women display in order to be attractive--the same characteristics you hear celebrated throughout all of hip-hop, in nearly every song, generally in words nobody says in front of your grandma. I'm normally not one for "blame-the-music", but in this case, music and music video have been a big influence on creating the particular beauty standard.

I'm not saying hip-hop is the only medium obsessed with looks, nor am I blaming ONLY Kanye for the messages women are surrounded with. But he is a voice, and he has the standing in his field which makes his words very influential. He could have been using that influence to go against the tide, to speak out for "real" women, and to decry the surgically-enhanced fakeness only porn stars and video dancers can dream of. He chose instead to reinforce the fantasy-world so many men choose to live in, and so many women choose to become a part of.

And when his own mother tried to live up to those standards--the same ones her son, with his status as a renowned lyricist and an established talent, chose to advocate as the ideal even when he COULD have been speaking out against them--something went wrong, and Kanye West lost the most important person in his life.

In no way am I blaming Kanye West for his mother's death. That, besides being completely incorrect, would be purely disgusting and hateful. At 58, who knows what his mother was trying to gain from a tummy-tuck and a breast augmentation? But if the cultural tide wasn't so strong, would she have perhaps felt better about the changes time makes in all of us? Would she have still felt the need to try to turn back the clock--the same clock we all run by?

I feel terrible for Kanye, the same way I would feel terrible for anyone else who's lost a parent they were particularly close to. I went through it myself and I know it's incredibly painful, and I would imagine that much of his time and thought for the next little while will be taken up with grieving. But when he returns to making music, as I'm sure he will...if Kanye West keeps on in the same way after this--if he doesn't re-evaluate his own words, the false ideals they support, and the cost of those falsehoods--I'm going to lose a lot of the respect I have for him.