Itchy.

The Itch, which improved for several days, has returned. This is probably due to the allergist's prohibition: no antihistamines for three days before my appointment. As I was feeling utterly hideous anyway--to the point of taking two days off work and pretty much sleeping the clock around--I just said "to hell with it" and stopped taking everything. My body spent the better part of today kicking me very hard for it, including a barfing spell early in the morning as I was getting ready for my much-unloved Saturday work day. This was followed by queasy-icky-tummy for most of the rest of the day, which led me over to Walgreens for Sick Tummy Supplies: Pepto, Rolaids, 7-up, and animal crackers. The Pepto helped a little, but it was an uneasy truce. Finally, after I got home from work (Mom actually gave me a ride, and unlike most times she offers, I didn't object--it was that or a cab, because if the ride to work was any indication, I wasn't going to make it on the bus) and laid down for a little bit, normal processes resumed and, after a while, I felt much better. A couple hours later, I fixed myself some mac and cheese, which seems to be staying down all right, and since I don't feel queasy, my outlook on life is much improved. (Seriously, is there anything that can make you more instantly and more thoroughly unhappy than an upset stomach? I honestly think that someone could have come to me this afternoon and told me "Gladys, you've won the lottery, and furthermore, you will now be transported for the rest of your natural life to the mythic Island of Hot Men, Free Chocolate, and Cute Kittens" and I would have had a hard time registering any emotion.)

So now, there's just The Itch. I have nothing more to say about the Itch, other than that I really wish it would go away, ASAP, and nevermore return; other than that, however, I think I've said all there is to say on that topic. I can't wait til my allergist appointment, anyway. I'm very much NOT used to my body screwing with me to this degree--especially when it's not clearly an effect to a cause. Heroin withdrawal, I understood: You do A, and B comes of it. This latest episode of itch/misery/discomfort/whatever seems to have no cause-effect relationship that I can see; I've stopped all the possible causes I can think of, and yet the effect remains stalwart. I'll be greatly pleased if this turns out to be something stupid and easy that I just didn't think of...but I'm starting to think it won't.

Anyhow, Tuesday will have a dual distinction: both The Itch and The Dubya--nasty, long-term scrofulous annoyances both--will be rooted out, and the process of sending them on their way begun.

I have wrestled in my mind with the notion of going downtown for the Obama rally. The "For" side says "It's history in the making! You'll be able to tell someone else's grandkids about it someday!" The "Against" side says "Are you fecking KIDDING me? All those people? MILLIONS of them. Do you know what the buses will look like afterwards? And besides, we have to go to work Wednesday morning...do you really want to stay out til they call the results, and then stay around for the party? Also, all those PEOPLE. Nuh-uh. History happens on TV too, you know."

There's another concern I have, too, about this rally; almost too horrible to whisper about. For the first time in my adult life, I am actually afraid for a public figure. If anything happens...yes, I know, millions upon billions have been expended to make sure nothing happens. But...Things happen. And if they happen, a lot of people will die. I honestly believe that; if something goes wrong, 1968 will look like a practice run. The Rodney King riots will look like a day in the park. And I'm afraid that if the worst happens, a lot of people who know better, who in normal times would trust their neighbors no matter what their race, will forget what they know. If it comes to that, I'm in a bad place. But if it comes to that, I really don't know too many people who AREN'T in a bad place.

So, further disproving Tim's evaluation of my belief system: I'm praying it doesn't come to that. But it scares me, all the same.