I Have No Obscenities Strong Enough For This

Guess where I am right now?

Hint: it's not my house. Because my house has no electricity right now, because ComEd is, taken individually and collectively, a pack of something something censored something et ceteras.

Seriously, y'all: I have run out of cuss words. To do this situation justice, I would have to weave a blinding tapestry of profanities, and the depth of my rage is such that the current vocabulary does not suffice. I would have to invent entirely new perversions, not to mention individuals, concepts, and orifices upon which to perpetrate them; and frankly I'm just not up to the challenge today.

A chronology: Yesterday my electricity got cut off "for non-payment" at about 10:30 AM. By 1 PM, the remaining balance had been paid in full and ComEd had been notified that a payment had been made at one of their agents. At 7 PM last night, I gave up on the hope of having lights before morning, and came to Mom's to sleep in the A/C.

At 8:00 this morning, I got up and hopped the bus back north, figuring that I'd be there when the lights came back on. You know, so maybe I could get something done. I got home at 10:15 AM and promptly called ComEd to confirm that yes, they received my payment and yes, they had scheduled the reconnection. "Do you have any idea of when that might be?" I asked them politely.

"Well, our techs work til 7:00, and you're on the list, so you should be reconnected by the end of the day."

At 1:00 I called again, since I was still without light. At 4:30, I called again. Each time I was given the same piece of information: "You should be reconnected before 7 PM."

At 6:45, still without lights, I called AGAIN. This time I was substantially less-polite. I wanted an explanation of how I could be told three times that my lights were scheduled to be reconnected by 7:00, and yet it was 15 minutes before quitting time and I was still in darkness. I wanted an explanation of why, exactly, they can terminate my payment plan and cut my lights off if I don't have the payment there on the tick of the dot, yet once the payment is made, they can be so very vague about when, exactly, I'm getting reconnected. I wanted an explanation of why, EXACTLY, I could have gotten the same implied promise of reconnection from three people throughout the day, only to be told at the last minute "Oh, we don't make those kind of guarantees." I wanted to know why the people at the end of the phone lines could not contact the dispatcher to find out where, exactly the crew was, or when, exactly, they might be reconnecting me.

I got no answers to any of those questions, needless to say. What I got was this: "If it's not done by the end of the day today, it'll probably be done tomorrow."

"PROBABLY"???!!!???

I've never actually "seen red" before. It was an interesting experience for me.

At 7:30, I gave up and called Mom and told her I'd be spending the night at her place again. And that's where I am right now.

The worst thing about this? No recourse whatsoever. I am at the mercy of the giant monopoly that is ComEd, and they have me over a barrel. No one can do anything about this; they are the only choice we have for electric service, just like those filthy People's Energy bastards are the only choice for gas. The Citizen's Utility Board, ostensibly the ombudsman for consumers, is really more of a news source and an occasional sympathetic ear in situations like this; they have no real regulatory power. Because I sent in a payment FIVE DAYS late, I am now in a position where ComEd can do whatever they want, or not do it, on whatever schedule suits them. There is nothing to protect the consumer.

And that has left me completely speechless. Because any name I choose to call them will not be vulgar enough; any degeneracy I might accuse them of performing would nowhere near begin to express the depths of hatred I feel for this particular group of people.

So in the immortal words of Corky in "Waiting for Guffman", I say to ComEd..."You're just a bunch of...BASTARD people!"

And now I'm going to go bite my pillow.