Thursday, June 2, 2005

Things I Totally Fail To Understand, Footwear Edition

Even though I can't wear them nearly as much as I would like, I love me some Chucks. And I'm in a decent state of mind right now, so I figured I'd do a little shopping, see what was new in the land of hi-tops.

Mixed in among the really happy colors and the "what crack was the design team smoking?" patterns, I found this lovely little oxymoron:

"Goth" Chucks.

If the Brit was just a Goth American, this would be a long conversation for a ride home, but one of his charms is his woeful unfamiliarity with peculiarly-American concepts: lawn jockeys, plaster porch geese, and the cultural significance of Chuck Taylor hi-tops being three that leap immediately to mind. Chucks are many, many things, but "Goth" they are not. Lincoln-Park-Trixie-pretending-to-be-Goth, perhaps, but authentic not at all.

On the other side of the spectrum, we have this:

Chucks for Jesus. Because nothing says righteousness like slapping a Christian symbol on a consumer product, yo.

The funny thing about the proselytizers of the world is this: these are the SAME PEOPLE who accuse gays and lesbians of "rubbing everyone else's nose in their lifestyle". Last night while I was waiting for my chicken wings at Uncle Remus, there was one other customer in the store, a man maybe a few years younger than me, on his cell phone, talking to one of his friends. The ENTIRE conversation--no joke--was about the intensity of his personal relationship with Jesus. It was a masterpiece of ego--almost every other sentence contained some reference to the speaker's implied superiority over those who did NOT have a similar relationship with Jesus. And let me tell you--getting chicken wings at Uncle Remus? It takes a while. I got to hear a LOT about Jeebus. And it was a good thing I was in a sparkly happy not-going-to-work-tomorrow mood, or I might have pulled out my own cell and feigned a conversation about my personal relationship with Lucifer--complete with sexual details, if circumstances warranted. Which they SO did, and I only wish I'd thought of doing it at the time. God, I hate not being able to think on my feet!

Of course, maybe if I had a cross on my Chucks....

6 comments:

  1. I wish you had thought of it, that would have been the funniest thing ever.
    Your colleague isn't the only brit not to have a clue about chucks, porch geese,etc

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  2. Oh, the beautiful irony that the Girl's Plaid are even on the same page as the Goth versions. I'm not sure I can imagine a goth wanting bright pink trim either.

    One thing that the Brits and us do share an understanding for: Garden trolls.

    I wish you had thought of it and that I had been there to see it!

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  3. I was eyeing up the Goth *chucks* at the army surplus on belmont / clark. I like them. I'll probably go back and get them. I think they were low-cut, not high-tops though.

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  4. Oh, I liked them too....especially the green ones. But I'm amused at the cultural marketing end of it.

    And what, you're not going for the ones with the cross on them?? Chicken....

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  5. O! You should especially have been wearing your Jesus chucks when having the conversation about accepting Lucifer into your life! Again I would insist on being there.

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  6. The next step from having a personal relationship with Jesus, is being Jesus and we all know where they end up.

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