Yard Work

I am in pain.



I will admit that I am probably a pathetic wuss--for example, my plumber is currently trying to pass 30 kidney stones--or rather, he HAS 30; he's only trying to pass one, at the moment. But that one sounds like a howling bastard--pissing blood and all that shit. His wife was telling me about it, but I was only half-listening because I was having a bad case of the jibblies...almost as bad as when my mom talks about her upcoming cataract operation. The thought of someone cutting on my eye just makes my neck prickly. (In fact, just writing that gave me goosebumps.)



So really, the pain I'm in wouldn't amount to a hill of beans, in the grand scheme of things. But holy crap, it hurts.



I spent the day doing yardwork. I am only 34, but right at the moment I feel like I'm about 74. Then again, there was a lot of digging, hauling, pulling, and crawling involved. (Kinda makes me wish it was sex and not gardening. At least when I'm in pain after sex, I know I had some real fun!)



I started out with a small and noble goal: to dig the fucking prickerbushes out of the middle of the lawn. That was all I intended to do. But the minute I started digging, I realized the grass was too long--I couldn't even see where the weeds were, and when I started digging, the grass was interfering. So I got out the lawnmower. This is the first time I've cut the grass in this yard, and those fences really fuck things up. Plus, when I re-seeded, I apparently didn't do such a hot job of levelling things afterward--because the yard is lumpy as hell. So when I was done, there was a ton of stuff around the edges, so I got out the trimmer. Then I started digging out those edge weeds, and before I knew it, I had brought out the pavers from the garage, and I dug out trenches around the edges for the bricks--harder than I'd have thought--put in the bricks wherever I could, and then re-seeded, watered the grass, and scrubbed down the porch.



And I'd promised--stupid girl--to make a lasagna for dinner. So the lasagna is in the oven, the Busch race is on the TV, and I am going to go take a long hot shower and put lotion on my sunburn. And then I'm going to sleep, possibly for days.