Christmas Brinksmanship

And so, verily, there came a day when the lady of the house was called to go upon a journey, across the great city of Chicago, to the house of her mother for Christmas. And on that same day, the man of the house undertook also a journey, to the town of Maywood, there to serve half-ounces, and to smoke and drink with his comrades.



And while the lady of the house and the man of the house were making their respective journeys to their various places of Yuletide repose, upon there house there came a great blight, in the person of the Alarm Condition Of Unknown Origin. And the Angel of Brinks called unto the woman's cell phone, and said unto her: Gladys Cortez? We've received an alarm condition from your house and we just wanted to know if you wanted us to send the police, or...? And (thinking of the transactions taking place on her block, and wishing not to inconvenience the businessmen of her street) the woman said No, no, I don't think that's necessary, and called unto the man's cell-phone to send him forth from Maywood into the West Side, to ensure that the alarm had, as she suspected, been caused by one of the many livestock that lived in that house.



And lo, when the man reached the house, he called unto the woman's cell phone to report unto her that the front door of their house had been open, a little, when he got there. And the woman recollected that she had been seen by all the citizens of the block, carrying a package and a suitcase unto the car of her mother, shortly before receiving the call from the Angel of Brinks. And the man said Yeah, but it doesn't look like they had to force the door or anything...And the woman said Maybe I didn't slam the door hard enough on my way out. And there was much bickering and indecision, and nothing was resolved.



But behold, the Angels of Good Luck had been watching over the woman, and thus all their possessions were still in the house where they had left them, and the livestock had stayed indoors, washing their paws, away from the bitter and unnecessary cold. And the man reluctantly agreed to stay at the house that night, postponing his journey to the town of Maywood, to protect the house against the onslaught of desperate holiday crackheads. And lo, there was much rejoicing, and all the cherubim and seraphim settled in to smoke blunts and drink cognac, and all through the living room there was the sound of multitudes of thugs playing NBA Live.



Merry Christmas, everyone...