Wacky Shit You Probably Didn't Know About Popsicles

Okay. So here I am at Place Where I Work--yes, I'm blogging from work because...well, you'll see in a moment.



In the morning I have a set routine of things to read. Some of them are relevant to my job; others (coff--televisionwithoutpity) are not. Eric Zorn's Notebook is a little of each. And today he had a link to "20 Questions".



I ran through a few less-common items: an eggplant, sour cream, hydrogen peroxide, a mailing label--and then I tried a popsicle.



At the end of each session, it gives you the other questions it COULD have asked about the item, grouped under the heading of "uncommon knowledge about _______" Here's the results for "popsicle":



Uncommon Knowledge about a popsicle:



Is it green or black? I say Probably. (A BLACK popsicle? That kinda makes me WANT to eat the black jellybeans.)

Is it made of crystals? I say Probably.

Does it have lots of buttons? I say Yes. (And I say: WTF???)

Is it a carnivore? I say Probably. (That must be the dreaded Popasaurus Rex flavor. )

Does it have cash value? I say No.. (Except in the barter system of the Quiescently Frozen Land. There, it is more precious than gold.)

Does it bounce? I say Probably. (Um..... I know a bunch of four-year-olds who would say different.)

Does it hop? I say Probably. (Man, what are YOU smoking?)

Is it an insect? I say Probably. (Now, I know the purity standards for food are a little lax here in the States, but aren't you being a little excessive?)

Do you use it when it rains? I say Probably. (Let a popsicle be your umbrella...and you'll have sticky purple hair.)

Is it green? I say Yes.

Can it be measured? I say No. (So all you popsicle-measurers out there are shit outta luck.)

Does it have good vision? I say Probably. (If you can't see it, it can't see you.)

Is it very large? I say Probably. (Compared to one of those piddly little ice-cream sandwiches, perhaps.)

Is it a warm-blooded animal? I say Probably. (If it was warm-blooded, wouldn't it melt itself?)

Does it have lights on it? I say Yes. (So you can see it before it sees you, is my guess. Safety first!)

Can it be used to start fires? I say Yes. (I'd pay to watch that....)



THEN it gives a list of "similar objects". For "popsicle", these are its similar items:



a bottle of pop, a bloody mary, ice cream, gazpacho (cold soup), yogurt, a can of soda, lemonade, a milkshake, a TV dinner, a fajita, custard, lip gloss.



20 Questions also was kind enough to inform me that if I was inclined to try to stump it, "celeriac" would be a good item to choose. (Also, it doesn't seem to know what quinoa is.)