Things That Happened This Week

The Week In Review, Gladys-Style: A random list of observations and events with no cohesive theme.

--I've discovered those Warm Delights microwave desserts. As long as you don't try to think of them as "cake", which they supposedly are but nothing that comes out of a microwave qualifies as "cake" in the traditional sense; anyway, as long as you just accept them as a Branded Amorphous Dessert Experience, they're remarkably not-awful. Especially if you blob a big scoop of French Vanilla on 'em.

--I think I'm going to sell Chez Gladys. I have a couple more alternatives to try first, but if neither HUD nor the original mortgagor will come up off some SERIOUS cash for repairs, there's a better-than-75%-chance that I'm going to unload it. I've got one of those "we buy ugly houses" people coming by next week, just to see what he'll offer.

--If there is a God, I don't think he cares too much about what us puny humans think of him.

--Microsoft blows. I was SO not made to work in a non-Mac environment.

--In fact, I'm not sure I was made to work in ANY sort of environment. I've begun to consider a career as a long-haul trucker. And I am absolutely, without question, going to take The Road Trip before I die--hopefully before I reach 40.

--Some of you, in the comments from the last post, asked about elevenevele. I'm still working on it, yes...if by "working on" you mean "thinking about, but steadfastly not completing". I am hugely intimidated by this book and the response I've received to it, in ways I can't even begin to explain....it's very hard for me to accept praise and still keep going. I'm not used to praise, and it rattles me. Not that I don't appreciate it; I'm just not used to it. I often wonder idly about what I would be like if I became famous as a writer; I already know I have a hard time not taking criticism personally, but I'm learning that I'm also not so good with praise. This leads me to conclude that I'm actually just not good with human interactions of any kind. Anyway--I haven't forgotten about the book, or given up on it, but I haven't been writing much lately either. My self-imposed deadline is approaching, and there's literally zero chance that I will make it. If I knew why I was so consistent and accurate in setting myself up for failure, my life would probably be much different; I'm pretty sure I'm one of those folks who's scared of success. And I don't know how I came to be that way, or why, or how to be different.

--I need a girlfriend. Whether it's the long drought (I seriously don't remember the last time I got laid) or boredom or what, my not-entirely-hetero tendencies are more on my mind than usual.

--If I was going to make a big change in my style of dress and try to be more "girly", I think I'd go all the way with it and go very Little-House-On-the-Prairie, with flowy calico dresses. I love calico; in fact, that's going to be my next quilt project, after the flannel-shirt quilt--an old-fashioned calico quilt of some sort.

--It's a lot easier to love LJ when he's not around. Not that I dislike his company; but my life is much more placid when he goes on his long road-trips. The house is cleaner, there are fewer things to do, and I can eat popcorn for dinner and watch reality TV and go to bed with the fan off and no earplugs. When he's around--and this is my problem, not his--but when he's around I feel like I have to be "on" all the time--ready to be Girlfriend Gladys instead of Slacker Gladys. And yet...when he's here I feel more peaceful, more secure. I can crawl under his blanket and cuddle up next to him. He's been so sweet to me lately--calling me at work, sending me text messages, being way better about letting me know what's happening and what his plans are, both short-term and long-term. He's a great guy and I love him dearly--I just wish I was more comfortable with him. And again--this is MY problem, not his. I am becoming more and more of a hermit as time passes, and I can see there's no possible good end to the way I'm going; someday I'm going to be old and I won't be able to do everything for myself anymore, and there won't be anyone around because I will have entirely withdrawn from everyone else. That's a scary thought, you know? But right now people take up way more energy than I've got, and it's getting worse instead of better. I haven't even been blogging as much as I used to, and that's about as far as you can be from actual humans while still retaining some semblance of interaction. Firefly has been sending me worried e-mails, and I know I've been a lousy correspondent; there are people who I know I should write to, who I haven't, just because it takes too much energy and I feel like I have nothing to say anyway. (I'm thinking I'm providing compelling evidence in favor of Getting Some Help here, which is becoming obvious even to me.) And it's not as though I'm lonely; I just recognize that this level of isolation, even if it's not bothering me, is still not a good way to be. It's not new; I've lost many friends to this kind of inertia, but at least this time I recognize that it's happening and that I don't want it to. TO a certain extent I think it's because I'm in this rut, and that I need to break out of the rut and everything else will follow. But the bills still have to be paid, and it's that getting up in the morning and going somewhere I dislike that's the main tire-track, so to speak, in this lovely rut of mine.

--The Chicago White Sox rule. And I am not a baseball fan, normally, but they're WINNING and when you live in Chicago and a baseball team starts WINNING, that's not something you ignore, largely because it's not necessarily going to happen again in anyone's given lifetime. So, for the duration, I am a Sox fan. (Note to any REAL Sox fans reading this: I am not the evil kind of bandwagon-jumper. If I was a baseball fan of any sort, I would be a Sox fan; I'm not one of those Cubs-fans-who-becomes-a-Sox-fan-when-it's-convenient types. So I am forgiveable, barely. And plus my grandma was a lifelong Sox fan--isn't there some sort of clause that makes me a fan by osmosis?)

More soon. It's bedtime, and there's a Branded Amorphous Dessert Experience with my name on it.