When you go around trampling, even pseudonymously, your oldest friends' religious beliefs, there's gotta be a whack on the ass from karma somewhere down the line.
Really--this isn't a slam against Wicca. I have no problems with Wicca, or any of the other less-accepted religions--truly I don't. And I was fine, mostly, throughout this article....
Until I got to the end.
And then I scared the cats because I was laughing so loudly.
I wonder what the "traditional" Wiccan they quote in the article would make of spells like these:
- TO KEEP FROM RUNNING OUT OF GAS
Look at the gas gauge and visualize the needle rising from the empty mark. Firmly chant: "Gods of fuel expand my gas. Aid me now--come quick and fast."
- TO PROTECT AGAINST COMPUTER VIRUSES
Turn the computer on and defragment the hard drive. At the same time, clean the computer case, monitor and keyboard of all dust while chanting: "Mercury, Zeus, Apollo, Thor/ Protect this fine machine./ Keep its files where they belong/ And its hardware virus-free."
- TO FIND A PARKING SPOT
This chant never fails and usually provides a space close to the front door: "Goddess Mother, lift your face/ And find for me a parking space."
- FOR CHANGING TRAFFIC LIGHTS FROM RED TO GREEN
As you near the intersection, focus on the red light and inhale deeply, pulling the color in with your breath. Then exhale fully in green, directing your breath to the bottom globe of the light. It will change to green.
I think if I was an old-school Wiccan, I'd want to kick this broad's ass. Somehow I don't think "finding a parking space" is an appropriate use of spiritual powers...
(Don't worry--I'm an equal-opportunity skeptic. I have the same problem with sports stars who thank God for their wins...I don't think God watches pro sports. Or even college sports. ANY sports. Well, maybe NASCAR...no, wait. If God watched NASCAR, Kasey would've won by now....unless God's a Dale Jr fan, in which case I'm DEFINITELY going to Hell.)
Wicca! Hahahhahahahahah I had a 'wiccan-phase' back in highschool, but I got bored with it. I think most practicing wiccans are under the voting age!
ReplyDeleteWicca is an new age invented religion. It has no historical basis (althought they say they do) - it has no connection to true paganism. (aside from the adopted holidays - but christanity called it first).
Wicca is to light for my taste. It's like living in the world where it's sunny every hour of the day. Dont' try to play that shit on me! I know it's dark somewhere assholes. Show me the dark. They're right - it is a harmless religion.
If my daugher came home one day and told me she was wiccan, I would turn to my wife and say: "Ahh..look hunny, she thinks she's Wiccan! Isn't that cute?" Then I would ground her from attending any drum circles. (ha ha ha ha). And any dude who's wiccan is only wiccan because his girlfriend is.