Not To Belabor The Point, But...

...now I've seen everything.



I spent the night at Mom's last night, which was probably a good thing as I was drunk off my butt, really. I didn't sleep well; I never do, when I'm not in my own bed.



She woke up when I came in, and asked me who was there, how everyone looked, etc. And she said "I'm glad you went!"



This morning, I was telling her more; you know, who lives where, how many kids they have, all the dirt. And I told her that I'd spent the night debunking what has apparently become The Great Rumor: that I intentionally killed JP.



Now, I don't know what it's like to have a child, much less a child like me; but I think her reaction says everything there is to say about my mom, really, in terms of what she values most.



"Oh my god," she said. "They know? That's why everyone has been looking at me strangely for so long!! God, I wish you hadn't gone."



Let's look at this, shall we?



You have a child. That child dates someone you don't approve of, but who makes her very happy. That person dies under tragic circumstances. Your child is devastated.



Nearly ten years later, a grossly twisted version of the story surfaces--which casts your child as the culprit in her lover's death--and this rumor is repeated to her. Though she's now in a position where she can handle the existence of such a rumor with equanimity (at least out in public), you, as her mother, know that the past years have been really hard for her because of this loss and the amount of guilt she feels for her part in what happened.



Your immediate reaction:



Not "Wow--I'll bet that was hard to take."

Not "I'm proud of you for handling that so well."

Not "Are you okay?"



But "oh my god, what will everyone think of me?"



I'm seriously considering having myself spayed. My gene pool appears to be overflowing with insensitive, self-centered guppies.