I really haven't meant for things to devolve into a series of memes and cat posts, really...I am just so....fucking....tired.
I don't mean that in the lack-of-sleep sense; I mean that in the sense of total emotional and physical lassitude.
Part of it is watching the spin from the hurricane. This gem from our local evening news: "Some said that the help for the survivors would have come more quickly if so many of them were not black or poor. Bush denied those charges."
Um...WTF did you THINK he was gonna say? "Well, America, Kane...Kaney...Khan...That young Negro on the television was right. I don't care about the colored folks. In fact, I wish they'd all go back to...Where is it they came from again???" God, talk about useless "news"...
The whole thing makes me sick.
There's more going on than just news-sickness, though. I'm struggling to put my finger on exactly what's doing this to me; I have some likely suspects, but nothing I can change right off the bat.
(Can I confess? I don't like my new job. I like the work; I don't like the PLACE. I wish I had a copy of the e-mail I sent to the Brit today--oh, and there's another thing; tomorrow is his last day at Place Where I Used To Work (back to grad school with his tasty lil' self) and I'm losing my constant correspondent. A small loss in the grand scheme of things, but...you know? Anyway, it was a diatribe against the snippy provincialism of the Southwest Side, home of New Place Where I Work. I surprised even myself with the vitriol I expressed, and that takes some doing. I'm giving the job a year, and then...oh, who knows.)
I'm thinking if this pervasive lack of motivation doesn't improve soon, I'm going to do something I really don't want to do: go looking for help. (Been there. Tried it. Didn't work. Didn't enjoy it. And I don't want someone to throw pills at the problem, either.) But this just sucks. I feel pretty useless, truth to tell.
At least tomorrow's Friday.
Maybe it's the changing of sesons, but I'm feeling pretty similar. Like what I do, but hate where I am. And I don't know if I leave if I'll like a new place.
ReplyDeleteI really wish I had finished school and decided to work with animals. It would have been a lot more rewarding.
Hang in there, girl!
I hope things turn up for you.
ReplyDeleteBut, hey, seeking help may be a really good thing...and if you don't find the right helper at first, try someone new. My own personal journey there is painful and I dread it every week, but I've already started feeling better (maybe I'm just a bit of a masochist).
We've all been there before, Gladys. Maybe it won't be so bad after more time. Then again, maybe it'll be worse. All you can do is smile when you get your paycheck, nod and say "yes, Dear" and make the best of it.
ReplyDeleteYou are not alone.