I don't know which is worse: making an ass of yourself where everyone can see it, so you're at least forced to laugh at yourself and can thus preserve a shred of dignity...
...or making an ass of yourself only in some secret hopeful naive recess of your own mind, so that when the true depth of your delusion and silliness is exposed, you have no recourse but to writhe in the total agony of having been a sucker, AGAIN.
"So I'm going to do this marriage thing again," he said on the last ride home today.
Followed by something something something blah blah something something and counterpointed by the screaming kettle-whistle sound of every stupid, silly hope I had, deflating.
There were times over the past few days when I would catch my mind going in some way-too-hopeful direction and I would open my eyes and say out loud Stop it. You're being an idiot. You know better.
I knew better.
I KNEW I knew better.
You see what good knowing-better does me.
Thirty-five years old and still I haven't learned. Or maybe I have, and I just hoped I was wrong.
Sucker.
you are wise beyond your years
ReplyDeletethe first comment was supposed to read MR. Mystic
ReplyDeleteI totally understand, for I am exactly the same.
ReplyDeleteThe Brit's marrying his girlfriend? Is there more to this story than you've told us, because I still read possible flirtation into this, a la "I'm looking for something serious if you know anyone... who might... be interested..."
ReplyDeleteAnd if he is marrying his girlfriend, why is he telling YOU this after so obviously flirting with you for so long now? Very confusing.
I'm with Ka...It's confusing.
ReplyDeleteAlthough, I'm really not the best at reading those clues either, so there you go.
Yeah, I'm confused too.
ReplyDeleteThe only conclusion that I can draw is: what I was interpreting as flirtation, wasn't.
Which makes me feel like an even BIGGER fucking idiot, and which will, in the long run, result in me not trusting my instincts about such matters, EVER.
I comfort myself only with the fact that he appears to be making a HYUUUUUGE mistake.
Well, and sadly, sometimes flirting is just for flirting's sake.
ReplyDeleteBlech! Blech! Blech!