I Learned A New Word Today

There is, apparently, a reason I'm not in charge of naming enterprise systems.

If I was the person whose job it was to name a system that people would be using every single day in millions of companies all over the globe, I'd like to think I would be merciful. I would name it something snappy, like CODA or ARPI or maybe MEOW (don't ask me what the acronyms would stand for--that's not my point.) Or I would name it something cute, like Rabbit or Ducky or Bonbon. Something easy to remember; something easy to pronounce and spell.

I would not, under any circumstances or for any reason, name it...

...Vormittag.

But apparently that's just exactly what the enterprise system at New Place Where I Work is called. For the past two days I've heard that part of my job is going to be to develop documentation for the Vormittag system. And every single time I heard it, somewhere in the recesses of my mind a little voice said the WHAAAAAAAAAT? (In exactly that voice used by the fat guy in Jaws, right after they catch the little shark. You know: Richard Dreyfuss says "It's a tiger shark," and the other guy says "A WHAAAAAAAAT?" That's the voice.)

Vormittag. It sounds like an obscure Austrian curse-word. It sounds like something Corky St. Clair would fit into his re-enactment of "Das Boot". It sounds like something my cat would cough up. (I would like to see Firefly's reaction to this word, resembling as it does her unfavoritemost word in the whole world, the one we refer to between ourselves as "the v-word". As in, I got so drunk last Saturday that I spent all day Sunday doing the v-word.)

I am seized with a helpless, reckless impulse to accost strangers on the street and startle them with a hearty, "VORMITTAG!!" before capering away, giggling like a madwoman.

Is that so wrong?