Against my predictions--after all, it was 2 PM, he'd spent the previous 2 hours holed up in the Guy Cave, and he'd come down the stairs fully dressed, keys in hand--but The Conversation actually DID take place today as I'd hoped. Of course, in typical fashion, it lasted a whole ten minutes--and for us, THAT was verbose.
However, it yielded better answers than I was expecting.
The first question--about whether he'd be willing to be the second set of hands for my more-ambitious home-improvement projects--was easy. I expected wary agreement--which was pretty much what I got. (LJ does NOT agree to anything unless he knows exactly what he's getting into.)
The next one was the one I was dreading.
"So let me ask you something else...." I said. "If I didn't have this house, would you still be with me?"
Predictable as the sunrise, his answer: "Why you ask me THAT?"
I told him my thoughts about the house--about how, if I can't get this situation resolved with Bob the Asshole Plumber, and if I can't find a way to otherwise get something done as far as fixing that ceiling, how one of my options might be to just cut my losses and sell this place. "And my question is, if I have to do that, are we still together? If the house goes, do you go with it?"
Here is where I was forced to face the possibility that my guy may be...well, a little bit obtuse.
"Well, yeah." (long pause) "I mean, I'm not goin' back to the crib. That's done. It's all fucked up over there." (His family's trials and tribulations have been the focus of most of our longer conversations lately--having moved out at precisely the moment at which his family began to drive him purely insane, he's in no rush to go back.) "But...what, you mean if you sell this house am I gonna still live with you?...I'm not sure what you're askin' me. What, we gotta stay together to be together or somethin'? "
"I'm askin', if I sell this house, are you still gonna be with me?"
(Pause.) "Yeah...why wouldn't I be?"
One of the things I love most about this guy is that he seems to take for granted the premises which I question most profoundly. Not just yeah, I'll still be with you if you sell the house--but yeah I'll still be here--why do you even ASK me questions like that? sheesh. And NOTHING rattles him. I can leave him the list of bills for the month, ending with an "outgoing" number at least a thousand dollars higher than the "incoming" number, and all he says is "You still worryin' about THAT?"
The longer I'm with him, the more I wonder: are our problems really my problems? Is most of the stuff I see as a "relationship problem" really just the effect of my own previous bad experiences, coupled with traits of LJ's personality which I'm not used to (even after all this time)?
It's possible. It's VERY possible. But one thing's for sure: apparently I don't have anything to worry about...
...well, unless you count the kitchen ceiling. (As I said to LJ: "You know, I really don't want to be the one who goes through that bathroom floor...I really don't want you to be the one who goes through the bathroom floor...Actually, it's one of my personal goals to have NOBODY go through that bathroom floor.")
I almost didn't try to start that conversation with LJ--but now I'm glad I did.
Thass right.
ReplyDelete