I owe the inspiration for this to The Pissed Kitty, which is possibly the most hilarious website I've encountered thus far. I went to read her blog today and she had related her experience with Anna, the IKEA customer-service chat-bot. At the end, she encouraged us to take a shot at the bot....here's my results.
Gladys:My father was emotionally distant and my mother had a thing for gerbils.
Anna:Family is very important for IKEA! Drop the kids off at the IKEA supervised play area and ballroom, and shop in peace. This way, everyone's happy. Or if you want them to help make furnishing decisions, strollers are available at the entrance
Gladys:Can IKEA furniture offer us any assistance in the war on terror?
Anna:Find here a quick guide to help you maximize your IKEA experience.
Gladys:Is IKEA furniture fireproof?
Anna:Find here a quick guide to help you maximize your IKEA experience.
Gladys:Because I really enjoy setting furniture on fire.
Anna:Find here a quick guide to help you maximize your IKEA experience.
Gladys:What else can I maximize at IKEA?
Anna:The IKEA business idea is: "We shall offer a wide range of well-designed, functional home furnishing products at prices so low that as many people as possible will be able to afford them." :::shit-eating grin:::
Gladys:Does Osama binLaden own any IKEA furniture that you know of?
Anna:Find here a quick guide to help you maximize your IKEA experience.
Gladys:I think you're in league with the terrorists.
Anna:You are perfectly entitled to hold any opinion you want about me. Furthermore, your comments improve my knowledge base. Thank you!
Gladys:See? My comments improve your knowledge base about terrorists. I have proof.
Anna:As I am only an advanced computer program, I cannot answer more than one sentence at a time. Please simplify and repeat the most important question within your previous input, and I will try to reply as accurately as possible. I am opening a page now which you can use if you wish to contact Customer Services. Thank you very much!
Gladys:That's a nice smock.
Anna:All of IKEA's products are made to the highest standards.
Gladys:Do all IKEA terrorists wear smocks like that?
Anna:How is IKEA different from other furnishing stores? We offer a wide range, good design and function, and also low prices. That's our business idea.
Gladys:I think I should report this conversation to the Department of Homeland Security.
Anna:Sometimes you have to trust your feelings, sometimes no...
Gladys:DO you know Martha Stewart personally?
Anna:I'm sorry, I don't understand what it is you're saying. If it's no problem, please rephrase your question or comment.
Gladys:I was just wondering whether or not you would enjoy having Martha for a cellmate.
Anna:This is a very delicate area, so I'd rather not talk about this sort of thing. Please ask me something about IKEA instead.
Gladys:Yeah, the "delicate area" was the part I was worried about too.
Anna:I'm sure that's a very interesting subject, but I don't really have an opinion it.
Gladys:I find that surprising.
Anna:Yeah, some people find it hard to believe.
Gladys:Because most people have a preference as to who gets to be the top and who gets to be the bottom.
Anna:I'm afraid I'm not here to talk about music. If you have a question about IKEA, please ask now.
Gladys:Who does your hair?
Anna:I'd rather not answer personal questions. Please ask me a question about IKEA.
Gladys:Oh, please??? I really need a new stylist.
Anna:I can't help you with that I'm afraid, but if you need furniture I think you know who I recommend: IKEA
Gladys:You're mean.
Anna:If I have unintentionally offended you I apologize. How can I help you?
Gladys:Did you have your teeth capped?
Anna:I can't answer that for you. Sorry. Please talk to me about IKEA.
Gladys:You seem to have an unnatural obsession with IKEA.
Anna:The IKEA business idea is: "We shall offer a wide range of well-designed, functional home furnishing products at prices so low that as many people as possible will be able to afford them."
Gladys:You look like Maria on _The Apprentice_. Are you related?
Anna:It's much easier for me if we just talk about IKEA.
Gladys:A terrorist WOULD say that.
Anna:How charming. I'm not willing to discuss this subject in any way.
So remember: if you buy IKEA, the terrorists win.
This was wonderful and I give you my blessing ;)
ReplyDeleteI just can't believe Anna suggested you drop
your parents off in the kids containment area
to play in the balls ;)
That's the LAST thing you should ever do
with a gerbil-loving mother.